


Inside A Clock

by zayntopsall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Afterlife, Angst with a Happy Ending, Characterization of Death, Characterization of Life, Characterization of Time, Death, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Supernatural - Freeform, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 16:01:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayntopsall/pseuds/zayntopsall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry lost his boyfriend Niall, after an accident that occurred after their huge fight. Regret followed his grief as he realized how he took his lover for granted on the span of their relationship and wished that he could relieve their moments even just for a day. Then he met a “TimeKeeper” and gave him a special clock that would allow him to go back to a certain day; a chance to say the right words, do the right things and a slight hope of saving Niall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside A Clock

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by the movies: If Only, One Day, Time Traveller’s Wife and other movies in line to that. I hope you like this. x

I.

Nov/29/2012 [5:00 AM]

Harry looked away from his laptop for a second, turning off the second alarm for the day.

He woke up at exactly 4:00 AM, just enough time to prepare his papers for the inventory of his small bakery. Now that his alarm went on, he stretched a bit, the cramps on his thigh made him cringe a little since he has been on this position for almost an hour now, typing on his laptop while his back was against the headboard.

You could probably say Harry is a ‘time conscious’ kind of person, in which he really is. But he was just more than time-conscious; he was that kind of person who wouldn’t be able to live a day without the sound of his alarm, without looking at his watch from time to time and his schedule that he got on his phone, on his planner, on his calendar, on his wallet, even around the flat.

Everything he does was scheduled; the time he’ll wake up (5 minutes max. to get out of the bed), prepare his things, cook breakfast (or most of the time, he’ll skip this one) and even the smallest of things like giving himself 2-3 minutes to sit on his window and relax a bit or maximum of 15 minutes to go window shopping.

He was a believer of the reality that everything was planned and good things come to those who have everything listed down.

And maybe, that was also the reason why he was always pertained as a boring person. His charms being wasted because he was living a life in a cycle, not trying to waste time even just for a moment, enjoy some moments in his life or let loose.

Because he wasn’t really that kind of person; he won’t go to a party that wasn’t informed to him a week before the date and he won’t do something that will not benefit him for some reasons. A lot of his friends and family members had tried to drag him out of his outlook in life like that, but none of them prevailed. And so, only few had remained and stayed.

But Harry doesn’t really care. Actually, he doesn’t give a shit about what other people thinks of him. If he was weird, or he was such a ‘beautiful waste’, it didn’t matter to him. He was contented in his life; happy on what he was doing and sometimes, although he would admit, he was indeed living into a ‘daily routine’. This attitude of him brought him to his dreams: finish his college, had some training as a baker and now he’s a co-owner of a small pastry shop he shared with his friend, Nick.

Harry turned his head from the slight movement that occurred beside him. _Ah_. Did I mention, Niall?

The person lying next to him, buried on the same sheets he was in.

If there was one person who was able to fully understood Harry’s position about time, it would be his boyfriend, Niall Horan. He was a simple and bubbly Music teacher whom Harry met on a certain concert his niece participated into.

On a special segment of the program, the teachers were asked to perform and Harry swore he never heard such an amazing voice before and never in his life did he imagine to feel butterflies on his stomach when he finally approached the blond.

It was on that time that Harry knew he was in love.

In love to a person he soon discovered was the complete opposite of him. Harry was shy, but Niall was outgoing, always ready to smile at anyone and he got the magic to approach strangers without scaring them at all. Harry was a ‘home person’ while Niall was someone who couldn’t stay at home without leaving every hour or two.

And if there was one thing they were completely different of, it would be their perception in time.

Niall do what he wants to do. _That’s it_. He doesn’t care if it’s in his schedule or not and to be honest, he doesn’t really have that at all. He doesn’t like the idea of putting everything on schedule, saying it ‘constrains his freedom’ and that it makes his life as boring as hell.

And Harry respected that, just the way Niall respected his outlook when it comes to time. That was enough for both of them, as long as they understood each other in which resulted for a relationship that has been going strong for a year now, where both of them are living in an apartment on Downtown London, at the edge of a busy street and their distances to their work almost equal when Harry rides his car, and Niall goes for a walk.

He stretched his arms together with his back as he smiled over the fact that he was able to finish the inventory at exactly 5:08 AM, giving him 2 minutes to prepare his clothes and clean-up.

 _“Harreeh.”_ His feet was already about to slip in to his furry slippers Niall specifically chose for him when he felt Niall’s fingers on his waist, hugging him and pulling him back to bed.

“You’re up early, today. Did I wake you?” Harry grabbed his hands, turning his back as he took a quick glance on the clock: still 5:08 AM.

Niall shook his head, responding to him with a lazy smile and a cute yawn that pulled a smile on Harry’s face. He watched his boyfriend grunts as he lifts himself off the bed, shifting his body to face Harry. He too, took a glance on the clock at the end table on their right side of the bed.

“It’s too early. Let’s go back to sleep.” Niall mumbled, his eyes closing every second and trying hard to concentrate on the amused look on his boyfriend.

But Harry didn’t let himself fall under the spell of his boyfriend. He has lots of work to do.

“I know it’s too early, but I can’t go back to sleep. Why don’t you?” Harry leaned in and gave him a quick peck on his lips, too quick the feeling didn’t seem to linger on his lips, it was too normal. Too used and it was almost a part of his routine: to kiss Niall every morning, whenever he wakes up.

“Goodmorning.” Harry smiled, pulling away.

“Too fast.” Harry was suddenly pulled by Niall back to his lips, fingers threading through the strands of his locks. This time, the feeling grew on his cheeks, down to his chest, spreading all on his stomach, to his thighs and then giving that small, prickling feeling on his palm. _Oh_ – Niall slips his tongue and Harry shuts his eyes, was he planning to make-out this early morning?

Harry was almost about to give in when he saw the clock: 5:10. He closed his eyes, thumbing Niall’s cheeks and pulling away, resulting a flustered face from Niall – in which he badly have to resist, he had to. Their foreheads pressed together as Harry let out a breathy smile.

“You are good at this, aren’t you?” Harry looked into his eyes. Eyes travelling inside the room; wondering if what he’ll do first: the clothes? To the shower? Or to call Nick and say he’ll be late for a minute or two?

“Of course. Why don’t you stay a bit longer?”

A ‘bit’ was kind of a lie when it comes to Niall. He had no idea how that bit would affect him. A bit of time can bring a huge impact on his schedule, and he wouldn’t allow that.

Niall grabbed his wrist as he stood up and _boy_ did he want to stay, but he couldn’t. _Not this time._

“You know I can’t do that, Nialler. Got lots of work to do.” Harry was now facing his closet, choosing over the set of folded t-shirts he was going to wear today. He grabbed the gray shirt, the one with the ‘Lover’ on its patch, his resident customers love that and _yes_ – paired with the another gray beanie, some high school girls love that; he decided he’ll wear one today.

“Why don’t you take a day off?” Harry heard the light footsteps approaching him – Niall wouldn’t just give up now.

“I have a day off, remember? _Sundays._ ” Harry momentarily looked to his side, feeling the soft brushes of Niall’s hair on his back, his cheeks pressed on his bare skin.

“But all you do is type and face the laptop or watch cooking shows and take down notes. That’s not a day off.” Niall grumbled.

“How about we go out this Sunday, what do you say?” Harry turned around, reaching for Niall’s hand and pulling him closer. “I won’t face the laptop or the television. Just you, is that what you want?”

Niall blushed as he nodded, looking away from those green eyes that stared at him with amusement. But he didn’t catch the way Harry peeked behind him and looked at the clock: 5:12. _Oh no._

Niall jumped. “Let’s go to the –“

“We’ll talk about that later, okay?” He instinctively kissed Niall on the cheeks before turning his back against him, not being able to see the disappointment in his eyes when Harry cut him off mid-sentence.

“ _Oh_ by the way. You’re going to the school later, right?”

“Wait – what?” Harry doesn’t really want to stop moving now. But Niall’s voice was expecting and excited. What was it that he missed on his schedule? He didn’t remember putting ‘Going to Niall’s school’ on his planner.

“I knew you’d forget about it. It’s time for the X-Factor: Teacher’s Edition. Just a –“

“Oh, y-yeah. Sure.” Harry hastily replied, cutting off Niall for the second time.

“You do realize you just cut me off, two times, right?” His tone was a lot different from the first one and Harry knew what was going to happen if he doesn’t apologize now.

“Look, Niall. I’m sorry.” He held his shoulders. “We’ll talk about what we’re going to do on Sunday later this evening, okay? And I’ll be there at your school, what time will it start?”

Niall looked much better (thank heavens for that), hesitantly looking into his eyes as he answered softly, “6 PM”.

“Alright. 6 PM. Noted. Make sure you reserve me a seat in front row okay? I want to show the whole school I’m proud of you. I’ll bring roses.” Harry knew Niall was weak when it comes to these sweet, little things.

But he didn’t really give much thought about the things he said earlier. His mind was already in the pastry shop; the things he was ought to do and the things he will miss if he stayed longer.

Niall smiled back at him, his cheeks more flustered than before, but Harry barely noticed it.

And right after he kissed Niall’s forehead he glanced over the clock again: 5:17. _Oh Shit._

II.

“Alright, Mr. Grumpy. That’s it. What the hell is wrong is with you today?” Large hands slammed into his table, ruffling some of the papers as Nick sat in front of him, his eyebrow raised.

“What are you talking about?” Harry shrugged without looking at him; of course he knew what he was talking about. He was being his usual irritable side. Who wouldn’t? He was late for an hour and he doesn’t even want to remember why.

“Don’t ‘what are you talking about me’ you dipshit. You’ve been scaring the customers with that glare of yours. Cut it out.” Nick shifted on the seat in front of him. They were on the corner of their cafe, the place where Harry would have a good look on the inside of the shop while he managed other things he wasn’t able to do in his home.

Harry dropped his pen before finally looking into his friend and his partner in this business and the only person whom he allows to call him ‘dipshit’ or ‘douchebag’.

“You know why I’m being like this.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Styles, are you acting like this again because you were late?” Nick always had this thing for curses, not that he mind it at all, but sometimes, it just adds to his irritability. Stressing out things he already knew. “What the fuck happened this time?”

And then Harry was back on his apartment. Just after he had stepped outside the shower, he smelled something burning and that only meant that Niall was cooking something – Niall, who doesn’t even know how to open a stove, was cooking something. It took him 10 minutes to get the smoke away before ringing the emergency alarm and cleaning up the mess in their kitchen.

Niall apologized and he had to convince him it was really alright although it really wasn’t. Of course he knew he was trying hard to please him, to serve breakfast for him and that was sweet of him and Harry wanted to praise him for that but he didn’t. He actually couldn’t because he was late and all the things he was supposed to be doing were slowly moving and his shirt was dirty and he was starting to get pissed.

So he just walked out of the house without saying anything, telling him he’ll see him later on school and that he’ll be bringing his car so they would go home together. That sounds good, right?

But actually it didn’t. He was caught in a traffic jam because of this guy, wearing all-black attire, who seemed to have his car broken in the middle of the road. It took the car-tower 30 minutes before arriving at the place, which was too crowded by the time it arrived and Harry had been cursing almost every curse he knew inside the car.

He knew he shouldn’t have blamed Niall for pulling him, for kissing him and making a drastic mistake in the kitchen but sometimes it just runs through his head – he was stressed – he hated being late. He despised the idea of wasting time doing nothing and he was furious and he didn’t seem to feel better when the cars started to move again.

The lad who had his hair quiffed and the one who got the car broken was staring at him. Staring on his tinted window. It was impossible, Harry thought. For someone to exactly catch your eye in such a way they were blocked by something as opaque as black. It made him felt uneasy all the way down to the shop, he felt like all of a sudden, someone was watching him.

“See what I’ve been telling you about? You’re too stressed you’re getting delusional.” Nick didn’t think twice of saying right after Harry had narrated to him what happened.

“I swear, Nick. If you have seen it, you’ll freak out. He looked into my eyes, like there was no barrier or whatsoever.”

“Alright, alright, it’s creepy, I know. It actually made me feel goosebumps, exactly in here, see?” Nick raised his arm, pointing on that exposed skin behind his sleeves and it was indeed, having that chicken-like skin.

“But seriously, man, loosen up a bit. You’ve been working so hard for – what, three years already? Why don’t you take some vacation with Niall? It’s almost Christmas time. Go somewhere. Let me handle this even just for a month. I won’t sell it, I promise.” He joked and Harry smiled a little. He did like the idea of it, but right now, he was too caught up with the upcoming Christmas rush, it wasn’t that he doesn’t trust Nick or anything, but he obviously needed him, and he couldn’t just go.

“This shop has been quite popular when it’s Christmas, and you need my help.” Harry firmly replied, going back to the papers and started working again.

“There you go again. Why is it always about the shop, or about the time, Harry? Can’t you just let it go for once and enjoy? When was the last time you had sex with Niall?”

“Wait – what? Are you questioning my sex life now, Grimshaw?” Harry gaped, placing his elbow on the table, pulling his lips up into a smirk in which his best friend was doing as well.

“Yes I am, Styles. So go ahead and answer me. When was the last time you go cuddly with Niall and whisper words of love in his ears and make him moan and– _ow_!” Nick brushed the left side of his cheeks that Harry slapped. “Alright, just answer my question then. When was it?”

Harry leaned into his chair. Sure enough, once or twice a week, Harry would be led by Niall into the kitchen counter, both of them making out but when Niall needed more, that was where Harry would stop. It wasn’t that ‘having sex with your boyfriend’ was supposed to be listed or scheduled, but Harry couldn’t just find the time, to stay, to linger for a while because he had been working hard, not for himself, but for both of them.

At first, Harry was able to give in to the temptation of Niall walking inside his shower, looking at him with lustful eyes and who was Harry to refuse? And god – how blissful he felt whenever Niall sucks him off, right after he faced the laptop – or sometimes, while working, he would be too distracted and he will just end up throwing the laptop and the papers on bed and drag him to their table and fuck him, right there.

It was before their pastry shop gains some popularity that their sex life seemed to have toned down.

There was less intimate kissing, more refusals and even though sometimes, Harry lets Niall do the service for him, he wasn’t really into it. He was exhausted and stressed and he got lot things in mind, which sometimes, he admits, ruins the mood of it.

“Been too long you can’t even remember, eh?” Nick snapped him out of his thoughts.

Harry remained silent. Has it really been that long that he couldn’t even remember it nor picture it in his mind?

“We’ve been too busy – we have our goals, Nick. I want to fly with him in Ireland, buy our own house and if it means not having sex for some time, then we have to do it.” Harry explained.

Nick sighed. “You’re the only one who’s been too busy, Harry. If Niall was busy, he wouldn’t try stopping you to go here or beg you to have a day off. I’m not questioning your being ‘time-conscious’ attitude because I like that, seriously, I do. But there are things that are much worth than spending all day working your arse off.”

Harry tried to speak, but Nick continued. “And please, don’t mention Niall as one of your reasons of being late or your schedule moving because he tried to pull you to bed because fuck it, Harry - I would kill to have someone like him beside my bed. Think about it.”

And with that, Nick stood up without waiting for his reply and walked towards the counter on which a couple of students gathered. Why did he sound so pissed off? Harry never heard Nick speak to him like that before.

Maybe he was right about him including Niall on the list why he was pissed off and late but he was going to get back on it later this night.

He would to buy roses for him, after Niall performs, he’ll come up to the stage and kneel in front of the audience and give him the bouquet and the crowd would be begging for more. If they finish the concert earlier, they might go to this restaurant and dine like normal lovers. And _oh_ – he didn’t forget about this Sunday – they’ll be going somewhere and he would give Niall all the time he had for that day.

So what was wrong with that? Why does it sound such a big deal for Nick? Harry knew better than anyone else what Niall needed and what he wanted. And he understood everything. He understands why Harry would refuse to have sex, he understands why he loses his temper some times and everything was back to normal after a kiss, a sorry or a hug, just what Niall needed to ease up and that was enough.

III.

5:45 PM. Harry had been catching glances on the clock beside the counter as the shop seemed to be awfully packed on this day. It wasn’t even a Friday or a weekend but people were going in and out as if they were having a sale.

Nick was starting to panic as well; he wasn’t on his usual all-grin face today but he was glad that Nick approached him minutes after their conversation as if he didn’t mention anything.

“Harry, I think I can handle this ‘til closing time. You should go to Niall’s concert now.” Nick hollered on the other side of the table right after he finished serving the couple’s orders.

But Harry pretended he didn’t hear the other lad. Seeing the endless number of people going in to their place, it was impossible for him to just handle it by himself and his two other workers. He can’t leave the shop at this state.

It wouldn’t probably start right away, right? They still had to do some preparations and maybe, some of the participants are still late. Harry nodded twice to reassure to himself of what he thought. Niall would understand if he was a little bit late and there was no reason to worry about.

Except that there actually is. The rain that was drizzling just an hour ago started to become so heavy that more people flocked in. One particular customer caught his attention.

He looked the same age as he is and the moment he entered the shop, he caught the attention of every single customer they had. He had a brunette, tousled hair, blue eyes that resemble Niall’s, although they were more deep and intense while Niall’s was more innocent and playful. He was wearing white long-sleeves with suspenders paired with black pants and leather shoes.

It may be because he looks so formal to be in this kind of place that people had been staring at him, or because he looks good. Or it could be either.

The good-looking customer approached the counter, tilting his head as looking onto their menu and humming an unfamiliar tone.

“What time is it?” His voice was soft, and Harry caught himself staring for a while before he answered. 6:10 PM.

He was just about to answer when he noticed something on the lad’s necklace – it was a vintage pocket watch. It was beautiful and it was something he had never seen before. The silver cover was filled with detailed, cloud-shaped carvings and the gaps, which Harry assumed was the sky, partly revealed what’s inside.

Then Harry realized, the good-looking customer has a clock. Still, he thought it would be rude not to reply. “Uhm – 6:10 PM, sir.”

“You’re late.”

“Ex-excuse me?” Harry thought he was talking to someone, over the phone – but no. Maybe a Bluetooth earphone or something, but when he peeked, he saw nothing. Does that mean he was, talking to him?

“The concert has already started. I think you should be off by now.” He was answering casually and Harry didn’t get what he was saying. It became odder that suddenly, the whole shop was silent, as if someone had muted all their conversations.

“I – I’m sorry, your order, sir?” Harry asked, trying to veer away from what their sudden weird discussion.

He smiled back at him. “One Earl Grey tea please, and that bread over there.” He stepped back and pointed something on the glass display of their breads, “That is all.”

Harry punched in the order, trying to hide the confusion in his eyes as he watched the lad slowly approached an empty table facing the window. Was he just hearing things when he heard him say something about a concert?

Niall hadn’t texted him yet. Maybe they haven’t even started yet. It probably was a good thing though, he could still stay and manage the shop, and thankfully, people had been subsiding.

“Man. I didn’t expect that.” Nick finally reached the counter, shoving a basket of treats away and burying his head on his arms. “I felt like the whole community of London suddenly felt like eating bread.” He breathed out, making Harry chuckle.

Harry saw at the corner of his eye how the young lad had finished his bread and he wasn’t touching his tea anymore.

“I’ll go clean up tables, after that, I’ll leave.”

“I can do both things, Harry. Seriously, just go.” Nick tapped his shoulders but he just smiled as he stole the rag away from Nick’s hands.

He wiped two tables clean before reaching over the good-looking-but-suddenly-became-weird-customer’s table. He smiled at Harry and nodded when he gestured towards his unfinished tea.

“Your friend’s right. You should go now.”

Harry stopped. Now he was really sure he was talking to him. “I’m sorry, but do I know you?”

The customer blinked, looking away from where he was staring at outside the window and then shifted his gaze towards him. There was something about how his eyes were looking at him that made Harry swallow thickly making him uneasy, like the way he felt when he saw the person with a quiff hair staring right through his tinted window.

“My apologies, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Louis. The Timekeeper.”

“The what - ?” Harry flinched exactly at the same time a roaring thunder echoed inside their shop.  Why was this person introducing himself, as if he knew him for a long time already? But Harry was sure he never seen his face before, if he does, he might as well remember him. And he didn’t really get what he said after he mentioned his name. He was The – what?

“You know what, Harry. You’ve been too busy on some, useless things. You should listen to what others are saying, especially when it comes to your boyfriend.”

“Wait – what the hell? How did you know about Niall?” Harry tried to keep his voice down, not wanting to gain too much attention from the remaining customers, so he stepped closer. “Listen here, mister – Louis, if you’re trying to play a prank here or whatever, you chose the wrong person. I don’t know how you know about him or about my friends but would you kindly leave now, before I make you?” He said, gritting his teeth but it was as if he didn’t make any threats at all as Louis just bluntly smiled at him.

“I’m just saying that you’re wasting your time on things you’re not supposed to be focused on. You’re missing a lot, Harry.” Louis’s lips curled and went into a sly grin. Harry clenched his fist and struggled not to hit it off of his face.

This annoying customer was really starting to get into his nerves now. He was using his name, so fucking off-handedly. He was talking to him as if he had been watching him his whole life. Was he a stalker, or an investigator? Fuck, as if he cared. One more word from him and he’ll drag him outside, and he doesn’t care what his customers think of him anymore.

Thankfully though, Louis stood up, fixing his suspenders and turning his gaze back outside the window. “Rain’s getting heavier. Be safe on your way.” He walked past him and Harry thought he should say something but as he turned around, the lad was gone.

Harry tried to look for him outside but there was no sight of white longsleeves walking along the slippery road of London. He doesn’t even remember the person has an umbrella or a car, and he just disappeared, _so fast_.

He walked back into the shop, still confused about what happened when he saw the time: 7:00 PM and started to panic.

Did he really spend that much time to him that time went by so fast? Now wasn’t the time to think about it though. He took his phone from his back-pocket, surprised to see that there was still no message from Niall. Maybe it was postponed because of the rain. He dialed Niall’s number.

“Hi it’s Niall! I’m kind of busy right now so –“

“Fuck.” Harry grunted as he pressed ‘end’, shoving the phone back in his pocket.

“Something wrong?” Nick asked, seeing Harry’s eyebrows almost turning into one.

“I have to go now.” Harry removed his apron, throwing it on the basket on the little space before their kitchen. “Call me when something happens here.”

“Wouldn’t even do that.” Nick muttered.

“What?” Harry paused looking back at Nick who just rolled his eyes.

“Nothing – just go. Okay? Seriously, can’t you just leave the shop in my hands once in a while?”

He grabbed his keys and coat before he tapped Nick’s shoulders, giving him his usual cheeky smile, “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah – and say Hi to Niall for me, will ya?”

“Sure.”

—-

The rain indeed, got heavier. It was almost zero visibility now, and he was just relying to his car’s headlights. He looked into the car’s clock – 7:15. Shit.

He needed to drive faster. But it was impossible with the heavy traffic. And Harry was getting out of his temper; now that he remembers the words Louis had told to him.

_“You know what, Harry. You’ve been too busy on some, useless things. You should listen to what others are saying, especially when it comes to your boyfriend.”_

What does he know? Why are people around him telling him things he was already aware of? Why do people think he was wasting his time on doing something useless? Is working hard for someone, useless? Was it because he was spending more time in his work rather than with him? It was for him, all for Niall. Because he doesn’t want him to be stuck on being a Music teacher, he wanted Niall to experience things he never did. Wasn’t it enough?

Is it actually considered being selfish? Wasn’t it enough that he would sleep next to him, kiss him goodnight, kiss him in the morning, hold his hand, wrap his arms around him?

_“You’re missing a lot, Harry.”_

He thought he heard the voice of that person again. He opened his eyes, he looked around, only to realize, the cars beside him was moving but not him. His head was resting on the car’s headrest – he was – Fuck. Fuck. Fuck He took a nap, when did he do it? Why didn’t he even fucking noticed he took a nap?

He looked at the clock and shit – it was already 9:00 PM. This was not a bloody nap, he fell asleep. He was too exhausted. He let his eyes shut for a minute and he got this. He fall asleep right on the side of the road and no one even dared to wake him up.

He started the engine and went on complete speed, not giving a damn about the slippery road or the zero visibility because he needed to be there for Niall. He needed to show to everyone that he could manage a relationship even with this attitude of him. And that Niall would be there, waiting for him. He would be there and he would understand why he’s late or why he wasn’t able to come because everything he does was for both of them.

And Niall would understand, because he always does, and he always will.

—-

He parked the car right in front of the school gate, but the concert was already done. The signage was being removed and when he stepped out of the car, he thought he heard someone, “It’s over.”

He looked around and searched for a blond lad, looking at him, angry or disappointed but it doesn’t really matter since he still came right? He still got the roses. He still got everything Niall wanted.

The rain didn’t stop, it kept falling on his shoulders and the water kept splashing on his feet as he went further. Where could he be waiting?

And then something from the gate moved, and Harry immediately recognized who it was.

“Niall!”

The boy didn’t reply but Harry knew he recognized his voice because his figure stopped.

Harry panted and saw the traces of tears on his boyfriend’s cheeks. Shit. Did Niall cried?

He walked closer, careful enough to see him, but Niall wasn’t looking back, no – he was holding back. Harry saw his fists clenched, ruffling onto the coat he was wearing and he just stood there, letting the rain soak him.

“Come on, Niall. Get inside the car, you’ll get sick.” Harry ignored the fact that Niall was angry or disappointed because first, he was getting wet, and second, Niall was an easy outlet of sickness and he doesn’t want either of it to happen so he grabbed his wrist, but his fingers slipping to Niall’s skin when the lad shove him away.

“Don’t come near me.” Niall yelled, averting his eyes and stepping farther away from Harry.

But Harry insisted, he pulled him back again and was strong enough to drag Niall, who only struggled more.

“Will – you stop, fighting back! Get in the car! You’ll get sick!”

“It would be better, Harry. Oh how I wish I would be sick _for months_!” Niall gritted, pulling his wrist back as if being held by Harry was the thing he hated the most.

“What?” Harry stopped dragging him and his grip loosened just enough for Niall to back away. “What did you just say?”

“I said – I hope I’ll be sick for months. So that – so that you’ll stay and you don’t have to go to work and that you’ll take care of me…” Niall’s voice trailed off as he began to cry. “You weren’t even there, Harry. You weren’t even there when I sing _our song_. You weren’t there on that seat where I reserved.”

Harry took a step forward, but Niall took a step back, mumbling words of “Get away from me.”

“Niall, I’m sorry. There were a lot of people on our shop today, I just – I can’t go.” Harry was drenched in his position as well, both of them trying to look into each other’s eyes despite the heavy drops that fall onto their eyelids. “I’m sorry…”

“Can’t you just do it, just for once, Harry? Just for me? Can’t you just leave it, and watch me? Would it be really hard for you to just stop working just for an hour and watch me perform? I was waiting for you. I was staring at your empty seat, waiting for you to be there but you didn’t come…”

Harry could hear the pain in Niall’s voice. Maybe he had been keeping this to himself for too long, maybe he had triggered him to say things like this, things he doesn’t want to hear because he thought, Niall understood him – him and his time.

“You know why I’ve been working hard, Niall. It’s for both of us, for you. I want you to be happy.”

“I know, Harry. I’m fucking aware of that. We’re working hard for both of us. But I believe I never failed to show you that you’re still the most important one. I never failed to show you that I care, that I miss you, and that I want you.” Niall stressed, his voice almost pushing him over the edge now.

Harry doesn’t like this tone. He doesn’t like the way it was addressed to him like he was the one who was to be blamed for everything.

“And do you think I don’t want you or I don’t care about you? Can’t you see it, Niall? I am doing this for both of us – “

“And what if that isn’t what I need, Harry? What if what I needed is you. _Only you_. All of you.” He threw his hands in the air, “Not the Harry that just kisses me because he felt like he needed to, but the Harry that will kiss me because he wanted to. You’re talking to me, and I know it, Harry. I know it when you’re mind’s not there. If this is the kind of thing we’ll both be living in, and this is how you think I’ll be happy, well, it’s not. And I don’t want to live like that.”

Harry ran his fingers through his hair furiously, getting rid of the hair that was covering his eyes. “Fine. Is that what you want? You want me to stay in our bed forever and just lay down beside you, watch movie marathons like the other couples do, wasting their time? Is that what you want, fine! You want to have sex? Let’s have sex, right here!” Harry slammed his hand on his car’s hood, making Niall cringe on his position.

“That’s not what I meant – “

“Then what the fuck is it, Niall?!” Harry finally felt like something exploded inside him. He was tired of hearing people telling him things about what he doesn’t seem to get. What he has been missing. “What the fuck is it that you want?”

He saw Niall stepped out of his sight, turning his back against him as he walked on the other side of the road, pretending he didn’t hear him. Harry chased him until they reached the end of the pedestrian lane. He caught his hand. “Get back in the car, _right now_.”

Niall stopped struggling and he looked into his eyes, the way Niall never did, it was as if asking him a question that would matter the end of the road for them. “If I’ll ask you now, to do what you said earlier, would you do it?”

Harry took a deep breath, tightening his grip on Niall’s hand.

“Niall…Let’s just go home, okay?” Harry let go of his hand and turned his back on him.

And that very moment he craned his neck, that very moment he looked away from his eyes and that very moment he refused to say, ‘yes’, was the very moment he lost Niall.

IV.

Harry didn’t see it. He didn’t see that there was a car being driven by a drunkard, swerving along the road. He didn’t see the way Niall tried to reach his hand. He didn’t see the way Niall held back, before he turns around and walked into the opposite direction without looking on both sides of the road. Harry wasn’t able to hear him call his name and he didn’t see how it happened.

It was the sound of such a collision, the breaking of the glass, the untimely break and a scream that made Harry turn back around.

And there he saw his lover - drenched in the rain and covered in his own blood, the shattered glasses surrounded his body as if it was there the whole time. He held him inside his arms, calling his name, _Niall, Niall, Niall._

But he made no response.

He was sorry. He was wrong. He wanted to say it all at once but the right words didn’t come out of his mouth. He buried his fingers on Niall’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

 _Don’t do this to me, Niall. Wake up for me. Wake up, please_.

And Harry desperately screamed for an ambulance because he knew Niall would be saved; kind, understanding, cheerful, Niall would wake up.

They would save him and he would never let him go again, he would never shout at him, he would never snap out of him, he would never cut him off as he speaks. He would never refuse anything Niall will ask for. He would do all the things he asked him to do – _everything_ and all he had to do was to wake up. To open his eyes, to look at him the way he always did with such love and adoration. And Harry would hear his voice again as he calls his name, just the way Harry wanted it, that lazy yet pleading tone of him whenever he calls him, that tone that makes him want to stay in bed a little longer.

And that was all Harry needed.

 _It was everything Harry needed_.

But even no matter how much he wanted him to stay, how much he wanted him to wake up, no matter how many times the doctor told him he wasn’t going to wake up anymore and it was ‘dead on arrival’ he still wouldn’t accept it. He kept hold of his hand, because he knew Niall would like this. He’d like it when he holds his hand as if he will never let him go and he would _finally_ wake up.

Because that’s what Harry wanted to believe, that there was still a tomorrow.

Another day to give him a chance to bring back everything he lost, a chance that he will never let it slip away, ever again. He would be with him, wherever he goes, not leaving his side. Harry would be there on his concert, just as he imagined him to, listening to Niall as he sings their song and Harry would be the first one to give a standing ovation and everyone would watch him as he gives the rose to Niall, seeing him blush and fidget into his position because he was embarrassed and endeared at the same time.

He would finally say those words he wasn’t able to say for such a long time. He would whisper it into his ears, every minute of Niall’s life. He would always touch him, wherever and whenever he wants to so that Niall knows who he belongs to.

And even though the sheets were drawn, covering the cold, body of Niall, Harry still wouldn’t let him go.

It was only that time that Nick arrived at the hospital that he was able to turn away as he brought him out of the room. And it was in that moment that he finally breaks down in to his arms and sobbed so hard it hurts, that it made no sound at all, that it wasn’t enough to let the pain go and there was no words that could make him feel better.

Because the only person whom he needed the most, the one who truly understands him, to tell him “Everything’s going to be alright” was not there any longer.

—-

Going back to their apartment made things worst. He saw everything; he saw how everything was dark and gloomy when Niall wasn’t there.

He walked into the kitchen, the remains of what happened earlier was still there. He could hear that voice of Niall who was laughing so hard because their whole flat was suddenly covered with a black smoke and it hurts.

It hurts when Harry sees everything around him, reminding him about Niall.

And it hurts even more knowing that everything was never going to be the same, now that Niall wasn’t there.

He walked into the bedroom and he found himself curling up inside the sheets, breathing in the scent of Niall. He was just there, hours ago. He was just there, beside him, pulling him, telling him that he should probably stay and Harry wished he did. He wished he had listened to what Niall told him and not what his mind or his schedule told him to do.

Harry moved, his skin touching the side where Niall used to sleep and he wished he was there. He wanted to tell him how beautiful he is whenever he’s asleep that he was the most perfect person in the world and he belonged to him. He wished he had said it and he wished Niall could hear it.

How he always wanted the way Niall moved behind him when he’s not yet asleep, his hair ruffling on his bare skin, that relaxing and comforting feeling in the middle of the night. How his fingers trail on his waist when Niall wraps his arms around him, telling him that his favorite part of his body was from his chest down to his and that’s why he was fond of hugging him all the time.

And he wanted to hug him back, _so bad_. He hugged his pillows and he imagined Niall, beside him. He imagined that angelic face of him sleeping next to him and it was painful – because he wasn’t really there. And he would wake up the next day, still having this same feeling. This painful throbbing in his chest; that feeling that he would never have the chance to wake up with his smile and how he let Niall go, just like that.

He wrapped himself with the sheets they were both into just this morning. And Harry cried harder because he remembered.

He remembered how he didn’t kiss Niall that long. He remembered how he kept looking on the clock, as if Niall was a hindrance to his schedule and his time he answered his questions too quickly without thinking so that the conversation would be over.

He remembered Niall’s voice, his excited voice when he told him about this coming Sunday where they will both spend the rest of the day together and he regretted it – he regret the way he cut him off in the middle of his sentence. He wished he knew where he wanted to go.

His chest heaved even more, as the words of Nick and that strange person named, Louis stirred into his mind.

Because Nick was right; he was right about everything: that he was the only one who was busy he forgot when was the last time he had sex with Niall, on when was the last time he showed him his affection for him. That there are things more important than work – and it was Niall.

And that person, Louis, who told him that he was missing a lot, was indeed right. He was wasting his time, thinking that what he was doing will make Niall happy, but it really didn’t. Because Niall didn’t really wish for anything else, he doesn’t care if he’ll never ever step into Ireland again, or they won’t be spending the Christmas on a new house because all he needed was Harry.

All Niall wanted was his time. And that was the same thing Harry refused to give him.

But it was all too late now, because Niall wasn’t there. He wouldn’t hear the words he wanted to say to him. Wishing he had one more day to spend with him. To tell him everything: how much he loved him, how he was thankful for having Niall beside him and to make him feel that he’s the most special person in the world for Harry.

Even just for a day.

—-

“Harry, it’s getting cold in here. We have to go back now.” Nick’s voice was trembling, his arms around his body, shaking away the remnants of the snow in his shoulders.

But Harry doesn’t want to. He couldn’t even find the strength to move into his position even though his teeth were already chattering, his lips almost close to the color of purple and his fingers numb from the harsh wind that kept blowing into his body.

“Just let me stay here for a while.” Harry said in a shaky voice. He was looking down on something his heart wasn’t ready to accept yet. He was standing on a place where Niall was seven feet below the ground. “I can’t leave him, Nick. He doesn’t really like it when it gets cold.”

Nick opened his mouth but no words came out. He had no idea how he was going to comfort Harry. The fact that he was the only one whom Harry could be with in a time like this made him cautious of what he was going to say next knowing it could make things worse.

Harry didn’t tell Niall’s parents about what happened to him until he was buried because he knew, they would insist for his body to be brought back to Ireland. He couldn’t allow that. He needed to go and see Niall every day. Sit in front of his grave stone and talk to him as if he was there.

“Harry, please. We have to go. You’ll die freezing in here.” Nick regretted the words he said right after it escaped his mouth. He wished Harry didn’t hear it, because he was worried about him. He was worried about the way Harry would want to follow Niall.

He wouldn’t miss the words Harry would say over the phone for the last couple of days, saying ‘I wonder what it feels like if I’m with Niall, rather than staying here’ or ‘Do you think Niall would be angry if I follow him’? Nick wanted to hit him, to wake him up and to tell him he needed to be strong and to stop from thinking about these thoughts, but he also knew, what he’d say wouldn’t be convincing enough. Neither did Nick believed those things if he had said it to Harry.

Because he knew his best friend, he knew how much Harry loved Niall, and he knew how much Harry regretted that day and all those days he took Niall for granted. He knew that Harry was thinking about it, cutting his wrist, crossing the lane where Niall died or drowning himself in the bath. So he decided to bring Harry home with him and to let him out of his apartment that would remind him of Niall every second of his day, in hope that Harry would at least find a reason to live.

—-

“Drink it while it’s still hot.” Nick served him his usual cup of coffee on their usual table inside the shop.

Harry barely even noticed Nick was there, or the coffee or where he was. He was just staring blankly into the wooden finish of the flooring. He looked ten years older from his usual cheeky and young self and Nick couldn’t believe it could happen in just a span one of week.

Harry thought of going back to their apartment tonight. He’ll tell Nick that he’ll just get his stuff and that he’ll finally say goodbye to his memory of Niall and he would believe in him. _Yeah, he definitely will._ What Nick doesn’t know, wouldn’t hurt him. If Harry would be dead the next time Nick finds him, then so be it, if he explained it to him, Nick would raise his guards and probably wouldn’t allow him to leave his apartment anymore.

He wanted to follow Niall, he doesn’t care how long it will take him to find him in the next life but he will. He will never let him go again ---

And then out of nowhere, he saw someone, very, _very_ familiar. In a distance, the figure moved with such grace, as if he was gliding in the air. Harry leaned forward, squinting his eyes. His heart dropped.

It was Louis.

V.

Harry didn’t think twice as he moved his chair behind him, his mind just telling him to go to Louis even though he doesn’t have any idea what he’d say to him.

“Harold! Where do you think you’re going?!” Nick freaked out behind the counter, dropping the basket of freshly baked breads and chased after him, but Harry didn’t care, he found the urge to talk to this person – this person who told him something about Niall, about him, _about time_.

“H-hey! L-Louis!” Harry grudgingly called out, afraid that he might not get his name right. “Wait!”

Louis seemed to hear his voice, pausing in front of a clock store, in which Harry didn’t really notice until now. Harry turned around to make sure if Nick was still following him, but surprisingly, he was out of sight. He thought he was chasing him, but all those thoughts were gone when Louis finally faced him. “It’s you.”

Before he could say something, Louis opened his mouth and said something he never expected to hear from him.

“I’m sorry about what happened to Niall.” His voice was sincere, so was his eyes, blue eyes that reminded him of Niall and it made his chest ache.

“H-how did you know about what happened to him?” Harry looked into him with bewilderment and curiosity; far from his tone back into the cafe. “How did you know about me, and Niall and all about my time and life? _Who are you_?”

Louis didn’t immediately reply on his question. Instead, he turned his head towards the old clocks displayed on the shop’s window.

“I believe I already told you who I am, Harry.” He said softly.

“I know you’re name. But, I don’t know who you really are. I’ve never seen you before, and Niall never mentioned your name. How did you know about what happened to him?”

Louis sighed before turning back to Harry, his eyes were now looking at him the way he did on his shop; looking at him as if he was doing something amusing, something that has been interesting the other lad and Harry doesn’t know what it is.

“I’ve been watching people, Harry. Watching them how they use time. How they spend their days as if it was their last or as if there was always tomorrow. I watch people crumble when they think time had cheated them and I watch certain people like you,” Louis cocked his head, taking a quick glance on him. “People who thinks everything goes well when they had it all planned.”

Harry shivered by the last words he just said. He didn’t know how to answer Louis and to be honest; Harry was starting to get a bit scared.

“You amuse me, Harry. I’ve never seen someone as time-conscious as you are. A person who had everything on schedule, everything timed. You’ve been giving too much attention on the things your schedule has been telling you that you forgot what your real priority is.”

“I – I don’t understand you…” Harry trailed off, his voice breaking from the sudden hit of guilt growing inside him.

“I am the Timekeeper, Harry. The one who knows whether the person’s time is running out. Whether you’d be late, or you’ll be up early, or you will die, I know when the sand of your time is over.”

Harry froze into his position. He wasn’t really going to believe him now, was he? It couldn’t be possibly real…

“Ah, humans always need a proof for everything.” Harry didn’t quite catch what he said, following Louis’s fingers as it reached the glass of the window and tapped it gently.

His mouth gaped when he saw how the hands of the clock started to turn quickly, one hour after the other; they were turning as if they were showing less than milliseconds.

He shut his eyes and opened them again, only to find the clocks back to normal again.

“Was that enough?”

Before Harry could reply, a figure behind Louis started to move and it was approaching them.

He looked into him carefully, and he knew, he had met him before.

“You!” Harry pointed out to the familiar face that was now standing next to Louis, the lad with the quiff hair who was wearing black from head to toe, the one who stared at him right into his tinted window.

“Oh, Zayn. What are you doing in here?”

Harry, looking more confused, asked without hesitating, “Y-you knew him?”

“Of course, I can’t possibly function without him. Tell me, why does Harry recognizes you?”

The lad, whose name was Zayn, answered in a flat tone. “He saw me last time when I had my car wrecked in the middle of the road.” He looked at Harry and gave him a smirk; there was something in his look that made Harry brought his arms to his chest and warmed himself. “How’re you doing, Harry?”

“He’s not good. You killed his boyfriend, dumbass.”

“Wait – you what?” Harry dropped his hands and quickly closed his fists. This person, _this Zayn_ was the one who killed Niall? He was that drunkard with that swerving car? “You’re the one driving that car?! You’re the one who took Niall away from me?!” Harry roared but none of them flinched.

Louis sighed. “It’s his job, Harry.” He said, tapping Zayn’s chest. “Introduce yourself.”

Zayn stepped forward. “Pleased to meet you, I’m Death. I’m the one who’s there until your very last breathe, I’m the one who leads you to it, I’m the one who watches people as they cut that string of life. I’m there when people kill each other, when there’s bloodshed and war, drought and plague, sickness and calamities. And I’m the one who decides how you, _humans,_ are going to die.”

“And you fucking chose to hit Niall by a car?!” Harry found himself lunging at Zayn, his hands holding onto his leather jacket, he doesn’t care if this was a delusional dream anymore, if it was, then it would be better. He needed to vent his frustration he had, all of these emotions into something, or at least, someone.

“Hey, hey, Harry. Take it easy.” Louis reached for his shoulders but he pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me! Can’t you see? This person – he killed Niall!”

“And what would you do, Harry? Kill me?” Zayn’s voice mocked him and it brought him over the edge, he hit him right into his jaw, throwing Zayn backwards to the pavement.

“Whoa. Didn’t quite expect that one coming. Nice one, Harry. Been wanting to do that for a while now.” Louis beamed at him. “But he just said who he was, right? It’s his job…” Harry felt his world stir. This was weird. This whole thing – having a conversation with the Timekeeper and now Death… “

“You don’t seem to realize it, Harry. I chose to make his death as fast as possible so you would know how easily you could lose someone in a blink of an eye.” Zayn was back on his feet, his hand brushing over the jaw that he hit – and there was no mark or bruise or whatever – it was clean – as if it was never hit by anything. “It was your fault anyway – “

“You fucking bastard!” Harry tried to dive at him again but this time, Louis stepped him and push him away.

“Enough with that, Harry. Zayn, you’re being mean. Cut it out. Remember, we’re here to help him.” Zayn scoffed and took a few steps back, finally averting his mocking look on him.

Harry backed away by the last words Louis just said – they would help him? How? Why?

“Well, you heard me right, Harry. We’re here to give you something. It’s your choice if you want to use it or not.” Louis pulled out a pocket watch from his pocket; it was that same watch he was wearing back at the shop. “This is my clock. It has the ability to go to back in time, no matter how long it has been. It helps me a lot on my judging.”

“Your _judging_?”

“Aw, come on, don’t you ever read some articles about judgment day? I’m part of it! The three of us, although Liam’s not here, oh well – right, the three of us, are the ones who decide whether you’re going to have a happy life in the next life or worse than what you had here on Earth.” Louis explain, clapping his hands.

“And why are you giving this to me?”

“I’m not giving it. I’m just lending it to you for a day. I told you, you amuse me Harry and I want to see how you’re going to use this one.” Louis grabbed his wrist, turning his hand and gently dropped the watch to his palm. “You have the choice whether you’re going to use it. It’ll be gone the next day whatever your decision would be.”

Harry was still confused; he had a clock – a clock that does what, exactly? Louis said it could turn back time, which means – he looked back at Louis who was looking at him differently now, his eyes looked at him with more tenderness and sympathy.

“ _Yes_ , Harry. You could bring back one certain day of your life that you wanted to relieve, although I must warn you, there are things that no matter what you do, will never change.” Louis stepped back, standing beside Zayn who muttered something like ‘finally’ when Louis nudged him. “We have to go now. Remember, you only got one day to go back into – if you’re decided, just hold onto that watch before you sleep tonight and think about the day where you want to go back, you’ll see what happens when you wake up…” Louis smiled before he grabbed Zayn’s hand. “ _See you around.”_

And in a blink of an eye, they were gone.

He looked around to see if there was someone who had seen what happened, but judging from the way everyone was acting normal, he figured it was just him who saw Louis and Zayn. He still couldn’t find the words to believe what he just saw and what he just heard. If they were indeed true then – there’s a chance for him to see Niall again, to finally make things right.

“Harry!”

Nick’s voice called behind him, panting as he reached his place.

“Where have you been?”

“What? I’m just right here, talking to – I mean, looking at the --” Harry flinched, seeing where his finger was pointing to the glass window wasn’t a clock shop but a magazine store instead. Was it all an imagination?

“Don’t joke around with me, I was standing here the whole time. Now let’s go back at the shop, weather’s gettin’ worse.”

Harry wanted to ask him how it happened, but the idea slipped away when he felt something on his hand, and there it was – Louis’s watch. The Timekeeper’s watch. It was real. All of it. He was given a second chance. Another chance to be with Niall once again.

—-

“You think he’s going to use it?” Zayn asked, his eyes following Harry and Nick back to their shop.

“With his current situation right now, I bet he will. Liam, what do you think?”

The two lads turned their head onto another person who was leaning against the railings, silently watching Harry sipping his coffee and looking at his watch from time to time.

He was sporting a buzz cut, and he looked more serene compared to the two. His dark brown eyes were glinting, even with the darkness of the sky above them. His all-white get-up made him looked like as if he was glowing, and that light was following him wherever he goes.

“I don’t see the reason why he wouldn’t use it.” He said, looking away when Harry brought the watch back to his pockets.

—-

“No, Harry! I won’t allow you to go back in there. Not a chance.” Nick firmly responded as they walk their way back to Nick’s apartment, only a few blocks from where Harry and Niall lives.

“I know, Nick. I know I’m not yet emotionally stable but you have to trust me. I’m just going to sleep in there. You don’t have to worry about anything. I swear. I just – I miss Niall.” Harry didn’t lie on the last one, he was indeed, missing Niall and it didn’t change as the day passes by. “Please. Just this once, okay?”

Nick was still having doubts on Harry’s statements, but he just couldn’t take him away from his happiness, from the only thing that keeps his friend sane.

“You have to promise me, you won’t do anything stupid.” With a low voice, Nick approached Harry, and gingerly wrapped his arms around him. “Just in case you do something stupid. But if you do, I swear to god, Harry, I’ll fucking kill you. Mark my words. I will.”

Harry did the same to Nick and buried his face on his shoulder. He knew it was too early to think about it, but maybe – this was their final farewell to each other. Harry knew Nick had a hunch of what’s going to happen after they let go of each other.

“Thanks Nick. Don’t worry about me.”

For a while, they stood there in front of an empty lot, just feeling the warmth of each other against the cold weather. Harry was the first one to pull away, and Nick felt a lump on his chest. He wanted to cry, he wanted to say a lot of things to Harry, to thank him for everything. To stop him and tell him he doesn’t have to do it. But he also knew no words, explanations or reasons would be enough to hold him back.

Nick watched Harry as he finally turned his back on him, his locks bouncing lightly on his every stride and he wanted to picture Harry in this way, that person who had always been there for him, in his ups and downs, the most generous and hardworking man he ever knew and the bravest one, for living, for trying.

And Nick would never blame him if he it would be the last time they’d see each other again.

—-

It took Harry a couple of minutes before he could turn the knob and return to where Niall had been. Nothing ever left him anyways, not even a single moment. Even with all the jokes and the happy atmosphere Nick was sending to him back at his apartment, it was never enough to cloud the sadness he felt in each time he remembers Niall, and what he did to him.

Zayn was right. It was his fault and he had no reason to blame anyone except himself.

Harry dropped his back just a few steps from the door, and in just a matter of seconds, his cheeks was wet from tears. It was hard not to remember, it was hard not to think about it. Everything he had, everything he does was for Niall. But he had it all wrong.

He took the watch from his pocket and stared at it intensely. This would be the matter of life and death for him. Never in his life did he believe in the personification of Time or Death but just this once, he will. He’s desperate to see Niall, to touch him, to kiss him and to hear his voice and if it believing was the only thing he has to do to get it all back, then he will.

He reached the bedroom and curled under the duvet, squeezing the clock underneath his palm. He scanned the most vivid memory of Niall beside him and then he shut his eyes. He begged and called out Louis’s name to bring him back to that certain day.

And if ever he wakes up with the same empty space beside him, Harry decided there’s no reason for him to try and live anymore.

VI.

Harry felt so light, like he was floating in the sea and even with his eyes closed; he felt the sheet of light resting on his body. The feeling was relaxing and comfortable, like he was having the time of his life and he wasn’t thinking of anything. He was just there and he wanted to stay…

“Harry…”

A faint voice called out for him, he didn’t recognize who it was but it was getting louder in each second.

“Harry…Harry!”

It sounds familiar, a voice that makes his heart beat race…

“HARRY!”

“AH!” Harry screamed as he rolled and fell on his back. He grunted, turning to his chest and rubbing his back. “What the fuck-“

There was a rustle on his bed, and he immediately sat up, eyes wide and mouth agape, he looked at the person sitting on his bed, looking at him. This could not be real. He blinked. Shit, it was. Niall was back. Niall Horan was on his bed again.

“What? Your whole body’s pressed on me that’s why I – why the hell are you looking at me like I’m some kind of ghost?” Niall’s body adjusted and he leaned forward, offering his hand to Harry.

It happened. It really did happen. Niall was here and he was on his bed and he was smiling at him and Harry couldn’t find the words to say. He looked into his bedside table and something caught his eye.

Nov/29/2012 [5:00 AM]

He got back for this day. It was all he was thinking about before he went to sleep last night…

“Whoa!” Niall dropped back to the mattress as Harry lunged on him, hugging him tightly. He was on top of Niall, his hands trailing over every inch of his body, he ruffled his hair, his nose pressed onto his neck, his lips travelling on every part of Niall’s skin he could reach.

 “H-Harry…” Niall said, his voice shaking. “D-Don’t do that…”

Harry paused, his eyes stopping at the flustered face of Niall, seeing that he was not breathing properly. And then it hit him, it has been too long since they did this.

Harry grinned; he can’t waste any of his time, thinking a lot of things. He has to show Niall how much he loved him and missed him, although he’s not aware why.

“Harry what are you –“

Words stopped when Harry connected his lips on Niall’s. The feeling burned inside Harry as he hungrily kissed him. Niall’s hands crawl into the back of Harry, pulling him closer and Harry felt it – he felt how Niall badly wanted this to happen – since when? Since when did he stopped showing this to Niall?

Harry’s fingers reached Niall’s cheeks, caressing them as he continued to kiss him fervently. He felt Niall’s hands on his chest, stopping him.

“What are you doing?” Niall asked, out of breath.

“Kissing you, isn’t that obvious?” Harry said, leaning to kiss him again when Niall brought his hand back to his chest again, pushing him. “What?”

“I know – I mean, why? You have work, right? We can’t, you’re schedule…”

He flinched by the last word. This was the reason why he lost Niall in the first place anyway, and he wouldn’t let it happen again.

“Never mind that, I want you, Niall, right now.” He growled, his lips playfully biting Niall’s earlobe. “So don’t stop me anymore, ‘cause I won’t.”

Harry began to move from his neck, down to Niall’s exposed skin from his shirt, he bit down hard, making the lad squirm beneath him.

“Hot – it’s hot – Harry. “ Niall whimpered. And Harry got what he said as he pulled the hem of Niall’s shirt, removing the material before he does the same to himself, and then dropping back to feel the heat of Niall’s body on his chest.

“You’re body’s so beautiful.” Harry kissed Niall’s collarbone. “Perfect, pale skin. Perfect, blue yes, everything about you is so damn perfect, Niall.”

Niall doesn’t have any idea what was running through Harry’s head for them to do this so sudden. It felt like ages ago. But now wasn’t the right time to think about it. He wanted to bask into this moment and there was no way he’s going to let Harry go even if he changes his mind.

“S-Stop.”

Harry looked up again, confusion settling on his green eyes.

“I want to suck you off.”

“Oh, okay.”

Harry immediately sat up, moving at the edge of the bed and placing his feet flaton the floor. Niall’s hands hastily reached the end of Harry’s pyjamas, pulling it together with Harry’s boxers, revealing his throbbing cock.

Harry’s mind went blank; his stomach stirring into complete arousal as he watched Niall stripped himself in front of him, slowly removing his sweat pants and his boxers before kneeling in between his knees.

Harry lightly stroked Niall’s cheeks as they stared into each other – eyes burning with lust, but their chests hammering with such love and wanting. Niall warmly smiled at him and Harry couldn’t help but to feel this pain inside him, if only he did this before it all happened. If only he had realized this was what he was missing and how Niall loved him so much, then a tragic story should have not occurred in the first place.

Niall moved closer, his hands reaching on both sides of Harry’s thighs: something he never expected of Niall since he was always used to his hands, doing the work for him first.

“I’m going to make you feel good now,” Niall whispered, his lips brushing along the tip, teasingly licking the pre-come that had leaked on his cock.

“Fuck.” Harry grunted, his fingers clenching onto the sheets. “Stop teasing me, Niall – just – just go for it.”

The blond started to bob his head slowly, his tongue sliding around his foreskin until he took Harry all the way down to his throat, careful enough not to gag himself.

“ _Oh God_ – so good – yeah” Harry started to moan louder when Niall got up to his pace, his hair brushing on his stomach, his eyelashes fluttering whenever he looks at him and his fingers, putting pressure in his thighs each time he pulled his head up.

Niall hummed and it takes Harry over the edge, his tongue skillfully wrapping his cock with spit and running them down to his balls that Harry wasn’t able to stop himself from reaching his boyfriend’s hair, twisting his fingers and thrusting his cock down to his throat, his hips bucking to and fro, nearing to his climax.

“Shit, Niall – I’m coming…” Harry held his head in place as he shoots his come inside Niall, in which Niall, sweetly swallowed while looking back at him.

Niall was just about to wipe the remains of Harry’s come on his lips when Harry pulled him by his wrist and threw him back to bed, sending another surprised reaction from Niall.

“We’re not yet done.” Harry whispered, his hands reaching for Niall’s cock that became wet from his own release.

“Oh fuck, Harry. Please, do it.” Niall wrapped his arms around Harry, sloppily kissing him. “Please, inside me. I want you so bad.”

“You’ll never want me the way I want you.” Harry brushed his nose on Niall’s cheeks, his hands nudging Niall’s hips apart.

Harry will show Niall how much he wanted to do this, hell, if they have to this all his life, he will. He needed to prove him that he wanted Niall so bad, it hurts.

Harry reached for the drawer, his eyes holding Niall’s gaze as his hand fumbled inside the drawer, reaching for that familiar smooth-surfaced bottle.

Squeezing the content to his fingers, Niall bucked his hips, a breathy ‘please’ came out from his mouth and Harry slowly put his two fingers in, watching Niall as he opened his mouth and let out short breathes, his body twisting in pleasure and his hips moving in circles.

“Another one,” Harry noticed how Niall was thrusting himself on his fingers, his legs around his back, pushing himself closer to the lad.

“Harreh…” Niall buried his fingers on Harry’s back, leaving red marks as he grinded himself closer to his lover when he inserted another one, “Oh god – please – Harry”. He had three fingers inside Niall, curling and scissoring, stretching him, massaging his nerves as the blond squirmed and whined each time Harry thrust his fingers in. “Come on – inside me, Harry. Fuck me – please.”

Harry did as he was told, he spread Niall’s legs wider, licking his lips as he caught a glance of Niall’s twitching hole, wet and puckered. He lifted Niall’s hips, gasping as he went deeper into Niall; his eyes not leaving the way Niall’s face contort in every way possible with his different expressions. He had never watched him so close like this, and he regretted that he missed every single time they do it.

Harry started to move right after Niall gave him two assuring nods, gripping his hips tightly, slowly pulling himself in and out. His eyes started to drop from the pleasure easing into his body but he wouldn’t allow it – he couldn’t miss any of this moment.

Niall arched his back as Harry started to move faster, his hips slamming into Niall’s, hitting his prostate in each thrust. Within seconds, their body was so close, huddled together, sweats of pleasure and ecstasy rubbed against their skins, Harry never wanted to stop, never wanted to let go of Niall. Their bodies moved in rhythm, Niall meeting Harry’s thrusts, leaving Harry voiceless and incoherent for words.

“C-close, Harry – I’m…” Niall’s voice made him go faster, feeling the white thread exploded on his chest. Harry felt the clenching of Niall’s muscles on his cock, driving him to come inside Niall with a soft groan, his voice echoing inside the whole place.

Harry buried his face on Niall’s shoulders, his body heaving from the hot air that filled inside their room.

“Is there something wrong, Harry?” Niall felt something different with Harry, it’s not that he doesn’t like it, but he was worried.

But Niall had no idea how everything felt so right. How everything was what it was supposed to be. Harry kept his lips pressed onto Niall’s skin. This has been what Niall wanted him to do in all those times he had left him alone. To just stay in here, linger, feel each other’s body, hear the sound of their hearts beating in sync. “Nothing. Everything – everything’s fine.”

“What’s this?” Niall felt something beneath the sheet and lifted what he found in the air. “An old pocket watch? Is this yours?”

 _The Timekeeper’s watch_. It showed itself as if it was to remind him of something important: that this moment would only last for a day. And then everything will be back from where he lay in this bed.

“T-That’s mine.” Harry handed out his hand and Niall gave it to him without question.

Niall laughed out breathlessly, “Never thought you had a thing for vintage stuffs.” His eyes brightly gazing on the fine work of the watch. “But I liked it.”

Harry lazily smiled before an idea snapped inside him, forcing him to leave the bed.

“A-are you leaving?” Harry saw the pain on Niall’s expression. This was how he looked like when he left him with a lame kiss. Something he refused to see. He bit his lower lip.

“No. I’m cooking breakfast, and while I’m at it, I want you to go take a shower, we’ll be leaving in thirty minutes.” Harry redressed himself.

“Wait – we’re going outside? You have to go to work, right?” But what Niall said was different from what he was showing: his eyes were shining with enthusiasm and he was already on his feet, carefully clothing himself again as he stepped closer to Harry.

“Not today. We’re going somewhere. I wanted to spend this whole day with you, don’t you like that?”

Niall looked surprised, completely shocked from the words that just came out of Harry, but all of them were wiped away in an instant as Harry planted a gentle kiss on his forehead and Niall didn’t realize he was smiling from ear to ear.

“Now, let’s get moving. We don’t have all the time in the world in our hands.”

It may seem to be a metaphor for Niall, but for Harry, that was something he’s going to live with for this entire day.

—-

“Where are we heading?” Niall’s excitement was not hard to read as they drive down the road. Harry preferred to keep it a secret; his plan was to make a quick roundtrip on the places Niall has never been to ever since he worked as a Music teacher; having no time to explore the city.

“Thought we should drop by at the shop first.” Harry said, turning to the right.

“Oh.” Niall said with a low voice; his expression changed in an instant and even though Harry’s eyes were pinned on the road, just hearing Niall’s tone was enough to tell him what his boyfriend was been thinking.

“I’ll just drop by and tell Nick I won’t be there for him for the whole day. That fucker’s going to miss me for sure.” Harry quickly took a glance at Niall, catching how his face lighted up with his words.

—-

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look who’s late for today, oh – hey there, Niall. Glad to see you.”

Niall shyly smiled back at Nick who was behind the counter, his brows raised from Harry’s unannounced plan on being late.

“You don’t have work today, Nialler?” Nick kept ignoring Harry, his smile growing wider and wider seeing Harry raising his eyebrows. “How’s Harry anyway?”

“You bastard. Trying to ignore me because I’m fucking late, is that it?” Harry threw Nick a playful punch before rolling his eyes.

“Oh, Styles! There you are. How’s your day? What’s the plan?”

“The plan’s I’m going to be absent for today. Niall and I decided to spend the day together.” Harry took a firmer grip on Niall’s hand. “Is that alright?”

“What? Are you fucking kidding me?! Of course you can! If you want to spend the whole week in Hawaii, I don’t care, just go you lovebirds!” Nick jumped over the counter, giving Harry a ‘proud’ tap on his shoulders and stealing a wink at Niall before pulling Harry towards the corner.

“Answer me honestly, Styles. Did you two had sex before you come in here?” Nick bent his head closer to Harry.

“What the fuck – Nick?! Seriously? Of all the things you could ask me, that is what you came up with?” Harry tried to pull away up but Nick quickly brought his head back and knocked their foreheads together.

“Uh-huh. So, what? Did you do it? Huh? Did you?”

“Jesus, if it’ll make your bloody day, fine. Yes, yes we did it, happy now?”

“I knew it! I fucking knew it!” Nick almost bumped his head on Harry as he immediately released him, shouting over and over again that he caught the attention of some of the customers. Nick grabbed Harry’s cheeks with his both hands and pinched them hard enough to mark his fingers on them, “Oh, sweet, baby Harry! It’s been months and months since I’ve seen your, ‘hey-I-just-fucked-my-boyfriend-and-he is-so-damn-hot’ face. Congratulations, man!”

“You’re making a big fuss about it.” Harry scoffed, but was smiling at the thought that he had finally granted Nick’s wish for both of them.

“Oh, by the way.”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Thank you. For, for everything, okay?” Harry refused to tell Nick what the real reason was on why he was thanking him. After all, it was Nick who has been trying to tell him this whole time that he doesn’t have to stick with his schedule and plans all the time and he wished he had listened before.

“Man. You’re scaring me. Are you trying to seduce me or what?” Nick broke the serious atmosphere as he effortlessly put his arm on Harry’s shoulder, until they were back to where Niall was looking at the display of their breads.

“You sure you don’t want to stay and eat something?” Nick asked, popping behind the display.

Niall humbly refused and Harry told him they’d be eating out. Nick said goodbye to him like he was his child going to college, and it made Harry shot a finger on him. Harry was already following Niall on his way back to their when someone caught his eyes. He stopped and he saw at the table near the window, Louis, who was already beaming at him.

He was with Zayn, in usual black from head to toe, adding up an accessory which was a black Ray-Ban. Harry shivered by the sight of him, knowing that he was ‘Death’ and he can take lives of anyone around him in an instant. There was another person who had his back against him; opposite of Zayn’s love for black, the lad was in all white.

He was sure that ‘person’ isn’t normal either – but if Zayn was the ‘Death’ and Louis was the ‘Timekeeper’ then who would he be – God? An angel?

“Harry? Is there something wrong?” Niall asked.

Harry blinked and shook his head.  He took Niall’s hand and walked away, stealing another glance back and saw Louis raising his eyebrows, his usual expression of amusement marked on his face as he waved his hand at him.

Harry stiffly nodded and peeked into his stopwatch. He got 12 more hours to change everything.

—-

Harry didn’t waste any of his time pondering on what was better to do or not. He followed his instincts and just drive around the city, stopping at shops that caught Niall’s attention, especially the food stores and the restaurants. It was daunting; knowing that time was running and every traffic jam and every commotion they were caught into was stopping them from spending every second of this day usefully.

He let Niall lead him, their hands holding together and Harry, making sure he was never to let go of him no matter what.

“You’re too clingy, today.” Niall said.

“I thought you liked it.” Harry answered coolly, squeezing his hand.

“Actually, I do. It’s so rare for you to be this clingy, but I like it.” Niall winked at him, pulling him inside another store, thankful enough that Niall didn’t see how Harry was so near into tears, realizing how there was so many things he forgot about what Niall liked.

—-

“Hey Niall?”

“Hm?” Niall was comfortably resting his head on Harry’s shoulders as they both eat their ice cream, basking into the stunning view of the Thames River.

“Do you wake up sometimes and just thought that maybe, you know, you don’t love me anymore?” Harry asked; his voice was husky and low. “We’ve been together for five years now and I know how sometimes I can be a real arse, right? So I was just, wondering if ever you thought about leaving me.”

Harry didn’t get his answer right away; Niall didn’t speak for some time.

“You know, Harry. Everytime I wake up and I see you beside me, no matter what we’ve argued last night or the day before that, they’re all washed away whenever I see your face. And it never changed from the five years I’ve spent with you.” Harry squeezed his eyes shut, careful enough for Niall not to notice. He was holding back his tears. He was trying hard not to ruin this day because of all these things running through his head as the day was closing to its end.

“How ‘bout you? Do you ever felt something like that before?” Niall raised his head and Harry was quick enough to look away, pretending he was enjoying the view and wiping that dangerous trickle of tear in the corner of his eye.

“I always thought that you’re just so perfect to be with me. Sometimes, I don’t think I deserve you at all.”

Niall reached for Harry’s hands and brush his thumb on his knuckles gently. They both looked at their hands, smiling at the comfort of their silence.

“No one deserves me but you, Harry. I don’t think I could ever live without you.”

No, Harry thought, it was the other way around. It was him who couldn’t possibly survive the day without Niall beside him. He was lucky – so lucky for being picked by Louis to have this day back. And as Niall rested his head back to his shoulders, Harry wondered.

What if he never had the chance? What if Niall wasn’t really here and everything was just a mere imagination? Him, slipping from his own sanity? His guilt killing him slowly – knowing that he would never get the chance to say to Niall how sorry he was and how much loss he felt when he left him.

He had changed a lot of things ever since he woke up – but there was still something that was running through his head.

“I love you, Niall.”

“And I love you, Harry.” Niall whispered quietly.

That time, as they were both looking into the golden reflection of the sun into the river, they both wished that time would just stop and let them live in this moment, forever.

But time flies when you’re having fun, and Harry’s time was running out.

—-

Their day had never been so great.

They went into some of the landmarks in London. Harry wished he could’ve saved a lot more; maybe he could’ve brought Niall to the London eye. But Niall told him a better idea so they chose to go on top of a building instead and Harry felt his burden got heavier when both of them watched as the sun slowly sets, watching the whole city turns on its lights one by one.

They were both on their way to Niall’s school for his performance when Harry parked the car in a dark alley.

“Harry, this isn’t my – wait, what are you doing?” Niall was too distracted on where they are that he hadn’t notice Harry had already unbuckled both of their seatbelts, Harry’s hands pressing onto Niall’s thighs, just under his crotch.

“I want you now, Niall.” Harry didn’t wait for Niall’s reply as he grabbed his hair and pulled him into a kiss; his tongue lunged up onto Niall’s mouth; their soft moans and short breaths slowly building up and echoing inside the car.

Harry’s tongue started to go all the way down to Niall’s jaw, down to his neck and then to his collarbone, leaving the younger boy confused if he was supposed to stop Harry because he will have to sing later on stage in a matter of minutes or just let this happen because – God, they never had car sex before and Niall was sure this is going to be so unforgettable he wouldn’t mind if he won’t go in there.

It was starting to get hot and they pulled themselves to strip them away from their clothes and when they were done, they were back on kissing again.

“Come here, Niall.” Harry leaned his back onto the leather seat, turning off the engines before he spread his legs apart and motioning Niall to sit on his lap in which the lad silently obliged.

Niall quietly moaned as their skins were in contact again, their lengths brushing together as they continued to give and receive fervent kisses towards each other.

Two fingers started to brush on Niall’s pink lips, his tongue slicking them with his own spit as he looked at Harry.

“God – you’re so hot.” Harry breathed, wrapping one arm on Niall’s back, lifting him up a little as he inserts his index finger slowly, watching Niall squirms in front of him.

“Harry – “ Niall moaned, one hand on the leather seat behind Harry and the other one on his hair, gripping them as he started to rock his hips down, just the way Harry wanted it – inch by inch.

Niall was thrusting his hips with urgency, begging Harry to put in another finger, and Harry didn’t need to be asked as he easily inserts two of his fingers, a groan escaping from his mouth, feeling Niall’s tightening of his muscles on his fingers.

Harry wanted to savor this moment – his last moment with Niall. He knew it was getting nearer and nearer, he almost felt like Louis was right beside him, whispering him, ‘time’s running out’ and he was getting anxious on what will happen next. He wanted to feel Niall – all of him, and he was hoping it wouldn’t end too soon.

But Niall was eager for his touch and for his feeling inside him. He was thrusting himself forcefully on Harry’s digits, telling him he was ready to take him and they only got few minutes before the opening that they have to go faster now.

“Ohgod – shit, Harry, so good, so good. I want you inside me, now.” Niall pleaded, his grip on his hair growing tighter, his breath getting rougher.

He spit on his palm and started to give his length a few pumps, his eyes never leaving Niall’s.

Harry moved a little, his back leaving the sweaty surface of the leather seat and Niall took it as a signal and grabbed Harry’s cock, lining himself before he sank down slowly. Niall smiled when he was starting to hear that familiar deep and harsh breathes of Harry on his ears.

“Move as slowly as you can, Ni. Just – just hold it, okay? I want to make it last.” Harry’s voice left a lump on Niall’s chest, why of all times did Harry want to do this, and to say those words? His voice was hiding something and Niall wanted to know why it sounded so hurt – and desperate.

But Niall didn’t speak his thoughts out loud; he complied with what Harry had asked him to do. He carefully pushed his hips up, and slowly dropping his ass down. Harry’s fingers were burying into Niall’s hips, trying to control himself from thrusting hastily or it would be over soon – he doesn’t want it to stop.

“Harry – I have to – I have to go faster…” Niall was hugging him now and the words that came out from his mouth were enough for Harry to finally let Niall go faster and meet his thrusts.

“Yes – so tight,” Harry bit the skin on Niall’s collarbone, “Fuck – there – _Ungh_ – yeah.”

Harry wasn’t going to last long so held him in place, his hips rolling as he started to thrust inside Niall, the head of his cock meeting his prostate and touching his nerves in each push.

Niall huddled him closer, “I’m coming Harry-“

Harry moved faster, almost lifting Niall up and down to go deeper and feel him more and more. No. It just can’t end like this…He just can’t let go of Niall yet.

Niall whimpered as he came hard on Harry’s chest, and Harry following him after feeling the tightness around his cock.

Still connected, Harry felt another tear fell from his eyes. It was now a matter of hour for him to spend his time with Niall – an hour and everything would be gone.

‘I love you, Niall. I love you so much.” Harry pulled the blond closer. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Harry knew it wasn’t enough. But he wanted Niall to hear, he wanted him to at least know how he really felt for his lover.

And he would try to change another thing before the time’s up.

—-

“Aw, Harry. You didn’t have to!” Niall exclaimed, seeing his boyfriend walked into him with three roses in his hands.

“I knew you’d love it when I come up to the stage and give this to you.” Harry grinned.

“Someone’s getting cocky.” The blond smiled sheepishly, his eyes fixated on the red roses his fingers were wrapped into. “That’s sweet of you, Harry. Really. I mean, it’s already enough for me that you’re going to watch me perform, roses aren’t really necessary.”

It was time for Niall to go on stage and Harry gave him his good luck kiss before he proceeded into his seat.

“Please welcome on stage, Mr. Horan!”

He got into his chair right after the applause from his students, their parents and his co-teachers. Niall approached the microphone without hesitation and fear.

“Good evening and thank you for all who came here tonight. I’ll be singing ‘I Will’ by Allison Krauss. This is for my boyfriend whom I love the most – Harry Styles.”

Everyone was silent for a while and Harry could only hear faint claps behind him, but he didn’t mind it as his applaud was the loudest of all and he only stopped when someone on his right hushed him – wait, was that, Louis?

The music began to play and the whole stage was silent, mesmerized by the voice coming from the person in front of them.

 _Who knows how long I’ve loved you?_  
You know I love you still  
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?  
If you want me to, I will

 _For (and) if I ever saw you_  
I didn’t catch your name  
But it never really mattered  
I will always feel the same

 _Love you forever and forever_  
Love you with all my heart  
Love you whenever we’re together  
Love you when we’re apart

The crowd was in complete awe and Harry – he was in deep admiration. He never blinked, he never moved an inch. He stared and listened to every line, to the song Niall told him that it was theirs.

Is this what he had been missing? All this time he took Niall for granted, what were the other moments he wasn’t able to experience because of his schedule?

 _And when at last I find you_  
Your song will fill the air  
Sing it loud so I can hear you  
Make it easy to be near you  
For (and) the things you do endear you to me  
You know I will

_I will_

_Love you forever and forever_  
Love you with all my heart  
Love you whenever we’re together  
Love you when we’re apart

He felt his cheeks drenched from his own tears – everything was going to end in a matter of minutes – everything he had will be lost again and he couldn’t take it.

He couldn’t allow seeing Niall’s cold body in front of him again. He couldn’t allow another day without this person. The only person he truly loved the most.

 _And when at last I find you_  
Your song will fill the air  
Sing it loud so I can hear you  
Make it easy to be near you  
For (and) the things you do endear you to me  
Oh, you know I will

Everyone was silent for a while when Harry stood up and clapped his hands with such grace everyone followed him. He ran in to the stage, the crowd going silent again as he did what he had been planning before this – one of his knees on the floor, his hand offering Niall the roses – showing to the whole world whom he belongs to.

Niall accepted it, leaving the crowd screaming and swooning over their moment.

“Let’s get out of here?” Harry whispered.

And he didn’t need Niall’s reply as he dragged him back outside.

—-

Harry looked into his watch, fifteen minutes and everything will be over.

“Harry – you’re not telling me something…” Niall paused on the same place he did when Harry saw him, disappointed for not coming to his presentation and watched him. “Please – _oh shit_ – “

Rain started to fall, and it didn’t wait long enough when it grew heavier.

Niall’s question seemed to be washed away with the rain as Niall grab a hold of his hand and laughed at him, asking him to dance in the rain.

“This is the best day of my life, Harry. I don’t even know why it happened now, but I’m glad. I’m glad I have you, Harry.” Niall blinked his eyes a couple of times, water settling on their hair and eyelashes, the whole city was drenched in a matter of seconds.

Harry watched Niall as he played along the side of the road, puddles splashing on their legs, his laugh caressing him, and Harry was thankful enough that it rained – so Niall wouldn’t see it. He wouldn’t see the pain in his eyes, the regret, the guilt, all of it.

And now he got five minutes to say everything.

“Niall…” Harry walked to where Niall was standing. He didn’t know how they ended up in this very same place he and Niall stood before the tragedy occurred. He reached for his hands and slowly wrapped him around his arms, pressing their bodies together. “Niall….Niall….”

“Harry, I’m here.” Niall hugged him back, gently rubbing his hand on up and down his spine. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Niall. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m so sorry I let you go and this was the only chance I had to bring it all back, to say it all to you once more. I’m so sorry –“

“Harry, you have to tell me what’s wrong, I – I don’t understand.”

_3 minutes._

“I love you, Niall. I want to tell you that every single day of my life ever since I met you. I love you and I can’t live without you…” Harry felt Niall’s chest was starting to heave, his shoulders shaking and the sound of his faint cry.

“Why are you telling this to me, you idiot! You’re scaring me! Let’s go home now, Harry. I don’t want to talk about this…” He tried to grab his wrist but Harry didn’t move.

“If only I had all the time in the world, Niall. I would bring it all back – all of it…”

_2 minutes._

Harry saw someone approaching them, his walk was familiar, and he knew it was Louis, reminding him of the remaining time as he took a glance on his clock.

“I’m sorry for not showing you I care, but I do Niall. I do care and I do want you beside me, and I – I do love you, every part of you…” Harry heard it – now he could hear that faint, irregular sound of a car swerving on the road.

Niall stepped back, like he did when he asked Harry if he was willing to do what he had told him when he was angry.

“Harry, let’s go home, please…” Niall begged, harshly wiping away his tears.

_1 minute._

“I love you, Niall.”

“And I love you, Harry Edward Styles! Now let’s-“

Harry crashed his lips onto Niall’s for one last time. Just for this moment, he wished Louis to just lend him one more second, to feel everything. Niall’s soft lips, the picture of his blue eyes, his pale skin, the sound of his beautiful voice… Harry closed his eyes, he could see them together, back in their house, listening to Niall’s newly composed songs, Harry teaching him how to cook, Nick coming in more often to accompany them and then at the end of the night, Harry would lie next to Niall, side by side, arms around each other, breaths in sync, and their bodies so close and pressed together, as if every day would be the last.

Harry knew what it is that he couldn’t change. He couldn’t change what will happen on this day. He couldn’t stop the car from approaching them – but he could change one thing – and it was to save Niall’s life, because he’d rather choose to be the one gone than to be the one who’ll stay.

And even before they could open their eyes, they were suddenly blinded by white light.

VII.

“Hey.”

_Hey there._

“You know I hate you, right?”

_Yeah. I could see that._

“Does it hurt? When it hit you? Was it painful? I was – I was always wondering about that.”

_Actually, it didn’t. It was so fast. I didn’t feel anything at all._

“I’m lonely in here…”

_I am too._

“I want to be with you…would you – would you hate me if I try to follow you?”

_Silence._

“I love you so much, Harry. I love you so much and you – you saved my life. But I don’t think I can do it without you…I can’t just live without you, you know that…” Niall put his arms around his knees, his cheeks starting to get numb from the cold breeze that has been blowing on his body.

“You know it right, I don’t want to be the one who stays…I don’t want to be the one who have to live my life without you. It’s unfair…” Niall broke into even louder sobs.

And Harry was there, he as standing next to him but he couldn’t see him. It was hard for Harry to see Niall like this, to see him cry without someone beside him, without someone to hug and comfort him. He was with him all along ever since he left his body, ever since he saw himself trying to be revived by the doctors.

Now he knew what Niall must’ve felt when it was him. Maybe he had been watching him close as well, lying into his bed beside him, telling him ’everything’s okay’.

“You ready, Hazza?”

 _“Hazza?”_ Harry turned around, only to see Louis and Zayn approaching him.

“Just a nickname I came up with.” Louis grinned but it faded away quickly, seeing the figure sitting beside Harry. “Man. It’s freezing out in here.  Isn’t he going to die in there?” Louis looked at Niall with sadness in his eyes.

“Not yet his time, mate.” Zayn casually answered and Harry didn’t want to argue about it anymore. Sure he was still angry for killing Niall, but it was his job.

“So this is it, huh?” Harry sighed, walking closer to Niall. It never failed to make him flinch every now and then, seeing his own name, engraved into a gravestone. He was dead.

And this was his last day on Earth.

“Yeah, this is it.” Louis placed his hand on his shoulder, “You’re a brave one. A life for a life. I never thought you’d do that.”

“I just did what I have to do. I love him, I can’t see him die in front of me again.”

“So you chose to die, instead?”

“Yeah.”

There was yet another harsh wind that blew against their bodies, but Harry felt nothing anymore, he watched Niall instead, his body already shaking from the freezing temperature.

“Liam! Thought you’d never come.” Louis flicked around, throwing his arms in the air and running towards the lad.

Finally, it was the day Harry would meet him. Liam. The Afterlife. The one who brings you in to your next destination, whether it’s good or bad. Everything depends on him now…

“H-hey.” Harry greeted him.

The lad smiled gently towards him, among the three of them, he was more human.

“Are you ready to go, Harry?”

“Can I ask something first?” Harry looked directly into Niall who was touching his gravestone, he was mumbling something. “If ever I go to the good side of the afterlife, am I – am I going to see Niall?”

The three of them exchanged looks. Louis gave him his usual smile, Zayn walked away from their conversation, lighting up his cigarette and Liam’s expression remained passive.

“I’m pretty sure you’ll see each other soon, Harry.” A reassuring smile pulled into Liam’s face and it was all Harry needed to know. He was ready. If he was going to meet Niall in there, then he could finally find the courage to leave Earth.

“Hey, Zayn?”

Zayn turns toward his direction, “What?”

“I know I cheated you and I’m sorry ‘bout that. I’m just going to ask you one thing – please, don’t be too rough on Niall like you did before, yeah?”

 “I’ll give it a try. Goodluck with your trip.” Zayn saluted him before walking away.

“It’s nice meeting you, Hazza.” Louis stepped back and waved at him, following Zayn.

Harry looked behind him for one last time, his memory still vivid of everything that happened.

“I’ll be waiting for you, Niall.”

And with that – they were gone.

VIII.

“Niall, it’s getting cold in here. We have to go back now.” Nick’s voice was trembling, his arms around his body now, shaking away some of the remnants of the snow in his shoulders.

It was a funny feeling for Nick, thinking it was something like a déjà vu, like he said those exact words already to someone.

“Just leave me alone, Nick…Please.” Niall didn’t move. His lips were already shaking, and he was getting paler and paler in each second they linger longer in front of Harry’s gravestone.

Nick couldn’t help but to feel depressed about it; he just talked to Harry that morning, they laughed and they fooled around and the next thing he knew, Niall was calling him, his voice trembling and so scared and when he break the news to him, he broke the glass of their display counter, he burned all that was about to be baked and he threw every single thing he could touch.

He was there when Niall broke down and cry into his arms, begging the doctors to save Harry’s life, to tell him he was okay and that he was going to live. He wanted to be strong for Niall, because he was the only person Harry would trust for him, but even Nick doesn’t know where to find that strength to hold on.

He was his bestfriend. They built their dream pastry shop and cafe together and they were successful to find a space in London. And Nick never felt so guided in his life when he was with Harry. And now that he was gone, without a proper goodbye, without him saying those usual curses on his face, without seeing Harry’s cheeky smile for one last time, everything doesn’t seem to be like the way it was before.

“Nick – please bring me back to our house…” Niall looked entirely different. His eyes were puffy and dazed and Nick knew he wouldn’t last long if he leaves him alone.

“I – I can’t, Niall. I have to take care of you from now on. I can’t just leave you alone.”

But the way Niall look into Nick’s eyes made him question his decision for him. If Harry was there, if he could ask him if it was okay to let him go by himself, would he let him?

“Niall, please – “

“No, Nick. I can’t. I can’t live another day without Harry. He was my life. He was my everything, and without him I’m nothing. I built my dreams with him, went to every shit with him, and had my ups and downs with him. Together, we were going to achieve a lot, all the things he’s been working so hard for… And now that he’s gone, there’s no reason for me to sit in here and convince myself I’m going to live and I’m going to be fine…”

“Are you –“ Nick struggled to find the right words to say so he ended up hugging Niall instead. It was too familiar. Like things has already happened before. “I’m - I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. It’s alright…” Nick had crumbled in front of Niall, saying he missed Harry so much, even it has just been a week since he was gone, he missed that bastard, he missed his punctuality, everything about Harry fucking Styles.

“Niall, promise me one thing…” Nick pulled himself and wiped his tears away, both of them looking into that name that both changed their lives. “If you see him, tell him I’ll kill him. Tell him I’ll torture him for leaving me like this…”

And Niall nodded, Nick knew what will happen next, that he wouldn’t be able to contact him anymore and it will take him days of courage before he could step into their apartment again. Before they separate ways, he asked Niall another favor, to make sure he was never going to do anything that would hurt himself.

That night, Niall wore Harry’s favorite shirt, he wore his pants and his slippers as he head out to buy medicines, _lots of them_. He looked into the outside world for one last time.

And Zayn was there, watching him closely. He didn’t notice that it was the same person who opened the door for him for the store, he didn’t notice it was the same person who gave him the medicine.

Because Niall had one thing in his mind: to be with the person he loved the most.

He wrote a letter to his parents back in Ireland, telling them how much he missed them but he didn’t regret running away for forcing him to be an engineer rather than to be a music teacher. Because if he stayed in Ireland, he would never meet Harry; he would never see how wonderful the world is, and how wonderful life is to spent it with someone who loves you so much, he was willing to give up his life for you.

Niall placed the letter on the bedside table. He wasn’t scared. He wanted to be as brave as Harry, for not thinking twice of saving him. He didn’t really believe in the afterlife or another world, but just this night, he would pray it exists, so he could see him again.

He went underneath the sheets on their very last day. Harry knew what was going to happen to him and he made him happy for sure. He wrapped himself close, his body on Harry’s side of the bed, he smelled his scent, he felt his touch, he closed his eyes and he saw everything: that day they chose this place, that day they spend their nights together, singing and drinking coffee.

And Niall would experience it once again. He pulled out the bottle of pills and dropped them at his palm, overflowing by their number and he didn’t hesitate as gulped them all at once. And like a normal day, as if he was waiting for Harry to come home, he slept peacefully.

He opened his eyes, and the first thing that they laid on was the person whom he wished he’d see the moment he wakes up. Harry was beside him, his arms around him, huddling him closer, feeling his breathe.

“Harry?”

_“Yes?”_

“Let’s stay here, forever…”

_“We have all the time in the world, Niall.”_

THE END.

 


End file.
